Remembering someone

How to make a memory book for someone who has passed away

A memory book tells the story of someone's life, with photos and words, in one place the whole family can keep. It's a gentle project to work on together, and it doesn't need to be finished in a hurry. Here's how to go about it.

1. Decide what it's for

Some families make one for the funeral. Others make it for the first anniversary, a birthday, Christmas, or so grandchildren who were too young to remember can know who they were. Knowing the purpose helps you decide how long it should be and who it's written for.

2. Gather photos

Ask each family member to choose a handful of favourites, from childhood to recent years. Old printed photos can be photographed with a phone in good daylight, laid flat with no glare. Around 30 to 40 photos fills a 20-page book well.

3. Collect memories

Ask people for short stories rather than long tributes. "Tell me about a time they made you laugh" or "What did they always say?" gets better answers than "Write something about Dad." Voice memos are often easier for people than writing.

4. Shape it into chapters

A simple structure that works for most lives:

• Growing up: where they were born, family, school
• Love and family: meeting their partner, marriage, children
• Work and what they were known for
• What they loved: hobbies, places, sport, their garden or kitchen
• Grandchildren and later years
• In their words and ours: favourite sayings and messages from the family

5. Choose how to print it

A hardcover photo book lasts for decades. Landscape layouts suit a mix of photos and text. Order a copy for each household, because everyone will want one.

6. Be kind to yourself

Working through photos and memories can bring up a lot. Take breaks, share the work, and remember there's no deadline unless you set one. If you're finding grief hard to carry, talking to someone can help: Griefline is free on 1300 845 745, and your GP can point you to local support.